I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
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On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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