I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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