I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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