just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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