I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I enjoy the company of your penis
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
