I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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