i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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