I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
