Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
