somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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