Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
