i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
please don't ironically join a cult
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