i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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