If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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