At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
