New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
