we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
