i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
