Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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