Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
In other news, I just burned my penis
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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