I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
me + whiskey = a bad person
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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