I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
