Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
