so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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