I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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