Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
