I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
