Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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