my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
