At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
