Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
