I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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