You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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