my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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