Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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