why didn't you poke me back
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
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I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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