u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She's the barista slut.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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