I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
