I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
