we're chasing vodka with high fives
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
