ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Even my vagina gasped.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
