man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
