i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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