i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
