Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
