I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
