you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
