I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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