I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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