I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
