whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
