His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
