so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
