I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
