Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
