the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
