"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
