my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
