"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
