Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
