Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
