The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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