I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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