dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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