im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
