hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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