Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
